Postpartum Depression 😢

Everything was so good while I was at the hospital but once we were discharged, how could things change so quick? of course I loved my son, but wow post partum depression is a real thing! I cannot believe how hormones could make somebody so miserable. I loved my son, but I had such a terrible anxiety. My biggest fear was to not be able to hear my son when he’s crying and my mother told me that there is a mother instinct that every woman has once they have a child and that sometimes you even hear him cry when he isn’t. I didn’t think I had that mother instinct. This resulted in me checking him every 10 minutes. I had to make sure he was breathing. I had to make sure he was not crying, and I had to make sure everything was good. I feared that my son would die out of nowere. I felt so full of love it was so scary. I loved Ethan so much that it was overwhelming. My love towards him was so overwhelming at that time I was not resting at all. I would not sleep a single hour. I was definitely not enjoying my baby. My parents decided that they would help me out and watch Ethan while I went to sleep, but that was not helping me. I still had to wake up and see how he was doing and I remember my mom often telling me “Sherry he’s OK I have raised 3 babies did you forget?” It was just that anxiety in me that I could not control. I never knew what it was to be a mother and I was being one for the 1st time and unfortunately my husband had to be back to work. His 1st Pediatric appointment came up and I remember it was a rainy day. I had his diaper bag, I also had my purse. I had him inside his car seat, and I had an umbrella. I was struggling so much to get in the building as people looked from inside and did not bother to help by at least opening the door for me. I remember this day as if it was yesterday, I broke down into tears nonstop. “How will we survive this? how is it to raise a child? I have never been around a child!, but this is our child and we have to do it.”